Everything You Need Is Already Inside You
Meanings Over Milestones 
by Jo Ann Kobuke
At first, my fingers wouldn’t cooperate. When they finally started to type, the words came out stilted and preachy. That’s not what I wanted.
Heaven knows you’ve sat through enough of my rantings and ravings about why you shouldn’t listen to songs that degrade women or why you must always stay true to your principles even though it’s not convenient – especially when it’s not convenient.
You’ve already soaked up as much of that as you’re going to. The time for that has passed.
Now it’s time to let you know you’re ready. Ready to fly. I know it feels scary. It’s natural to put it off, searching for that one last thing you think you need. But there is no one last thing.
When you were young, I’d have to give you a nudge – okay, sometimes a boot – in the behind to get you to flap your wings and try new things. It wasn’t easy. You thought I was bossy and mean, but I know you realize now the value in those experiences.
Remember this when you’re struggling to get your child to expand their horizons, think of me when they’re glaring at you, with their sullen face, body stiff, arms crossed. You can get through it, just as I did, and you’ll be rewarded with a strong and confident adult, just as I have been, so hang in there.
I won’t lie, it was hard to see you struggle and even harder to see you hurt or have you angry at me. I had to remind myself it wasn’t my job to protect you from life; it was my job to prepare you for life. I had to accept there would be tears, yours and sometimes mine.
Shielding either of us from those tears would have kept you from becoming the resilient, self-reliant, and independent thinker you are today. When you’re a mother, being the bad guy comes with the territory. It’s something I had to endure so you could learn to embrace life, bumps and all.
Often, I struggled to find the right balance between giving you enough freedom to develop your skills and confidence and creating a safe environment in which to do that. I didn’t always get it right, as you, the cheeky teenager, would often remind me. But I did the best I could, which is all a mother can ever do.
Motherhood pushed all my buttons, or rather, you pushed them all – over and over as you explored where the boundaries were and why they existed. What kept me sane was reminding myself why I was torturing us both.
It was all to help you become the woman you are today. A wise and compassionate woman capable of tackling anything. A woman determined to do all she can in and for the world.
It’s so easy to doubt ourselves and lose track of who we are, blinded by the shiny objects life dangles before us. My job now is to hold up the mirror when doubts creep in and remind you of the amazing human you are.
And when time has its way, and I am no longer here in this physical body, know that my spirit will remain to remind you of who you are and the love we share.
Jo Ann Kobuke is the mother of two adult daughters. She lives on the west coast of the US with her husband and dog. After retiring as a CPA in the not-for-profit world, she began a second career coaching women as they navigate the ups and downs of midlife. You can find her community, the Messy Midlife Society, on Facebook. She loves traveling, eating out, plays, spending time with family, and life in general.
Categories: : Authentic Self, Growth, Self-awareness
Everything You Need Is Already Inside You
by Jo Ann Kobuke
At first, my fingers wouldn’t cooperate. When they finally started to type, the words came out stilted and preachy. That’s not what I wanted.
Heaven knows you’ve sat through enough of my rantings and ravings about why you shouldn’t listen to songs that degrade women or why you must always stay true to your principles even though it’s not convenient – especially when it’s not convenient.
You’ve already soaked up as much of that as you’re going to. The time for that has passed.
Now it’s time to let you know you’re ready. Ready to fly. I know it feels scary. It’s natural to put it off, searching for that one last thing you think you need. But there is no one last thing.
When you were young, I’d have to give you a nudge – okay, sometimes a boot – in the behind to get you to flap your wings and try new things. It wasn’t easy. You thought I was bossy and mean, but I know you realize now the value in those experiences.
Remember this when you’re struggling to get your child to expand their horizons, think of me when they’re glaring at you, with their sullen face, body stiff, arms crossed. You can get through it, just as I did, and you’ll be rewarded with a strong and confident adult, just as I have been, so hang in there.
I won’t lie, it was hard to see you struggle and even harder to see you hurt or have you angry at me. I had to remind myself it wasn’t my job to protect you from life; it was my job to prepare you for life. I had to accept there would be tears, yours and sometimes mine.
Shielding either of us from those tears would have kept you from becoming the resilient, self-reliant, and independent thinker you are today. When you’re a mother, being the bad guy comes with the territory. It’s something I had to endure so you could learn to embrace life, bumps and all.
Often, I struggled to find the right balance between giving you enough freedom to develop your skills and confidence and creating a safe environment in which to do that. I didn’t always get it right, as you, the cheeky teenager, would often remind me. But I did the best I could, which is all a mother can ever do.
Motherhood pushed all my buttons, or rather, you pushed them all – over and over as you explored where the boundaries were and why they existed. What kept me sane was reminding myself why I was torturing us both.
It was all to help you become the woman you are today. A wise and compassionate woman capable of tackling anything. A woman determined to do all she can in and for the world.
It’s so easy to doubt ourselves and lose track of who we are, blinded by the shiny objects life dangles before us. My job now is to hold up the mirror when doubts creep in and remind you of the amazing human you are.
And when time has its way, and I am no longer here in this physical body, know that my spirit will remain to remind you of who you are and the love we share.
Jo Ann Kobuke is the mother of two adult daughters. She lives on the west coast of the US with her husband and dog. After retiring as a CPA in the not-for-profit world, she began a second career coaching women as they navigate the ups and downs of midlife. You can find her community, the Messy Midlife Society, on Facebook. She loves traveling, eating out, plays, spending time with family, and life in general.
Categories: : Authentic Self, Growth, Self-awareness
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